We Can Do Hard Things

Menopause: W.T.F?!?! (Stay till the end for a surprise guest!)

October 28, 2025

perimenopause menopause women's health healthcare system failures hormone replacement therapy mental health emotional regulation relationships societal sexism ageism medical bias self-advocacy solidarity

Menopause: W.T.F?!?! (Stay till the end for a surprise guest!)

Episode Summary

AI-generated · Mar 2026

AI-generated summary — may contain inaccuracies. Not a substitute for the full episode or professional advice.

In an unvarnished and passionate episode, host Glennon Doyle describes her current struggle with perimenopause as an all-encompassing "flaming hot fire," challenging the silence and dismissal surrounding this significant life stage. She vividly portrays the physical, mental, and emotional chaos, likening her experience to her mind as a "beehive" of chaotic thoughts at night and her skin experiencing a "colony of fire ants with tiny daggers" (04:08). Doyle also shares how she feels physically shrunken, like a "dried colonial apple doll" (11:15), and emotionally a "reverse Grinch" with a heart shrunk three sizes (13:20), primarily experiencing intense irritation.

👤 Who Should Listen

Women currently experiencing perimenopause or menopause symptoms, especially those feeling overwhelmed or dismissed.
Partners, family members, or friends of women going through midlife hormonal changes seeking to understand and offer support.
Healthcare professionals interested in understanding the patient experience of menopause and the systemic issues in women's health.
Anyone feeling isolated or unheard regarding their health concerns and seeking validation and solidarity.
Individuals interested in women's health advocacy and challenging cultural norms that devalue women in midlife.
Listeners looking for an honest, raw, and humorous take on a challenging and often-ignored life stage.

🔑 Key Takeaways

1.Perimenopause and menopause symptoms are often extreme and debilitating, going beyond common understanding, as Glennon describes her mind as a "beehive" and skin as a "colony of fire ants with tiny daggers" at night (03:07).
2.The medical system is failing women in midlife, with "75% of women never get any treatment at all" for their symptoms (17:26).
3.Many doctors are uneducated about menopause, as "only one-third of residency programs in OBGYN" have standardized menopause training despite it affecting half the population for a third of their lives (37:51).
4.Societal values play a role, as culture values pregnant women but disregards menopausal women, viewing them as "becoming useless" (26:39).
5.The "Do Not Care Club" offers a spiritual culling, helping women refuse to tolerate things that are no longer right for their souls, like wearing "stilts" or "hard pants" (53:13).
6.Women often get menopause information from each other, not doctors, because 75% receive no treatment, leading to a conflation of "normal with acceptable" suffering (38:53).
7.The lack of care for menopausal women contrasts sharply with the extensive funding and treatment for male issues like erectile dysfunction, highlighting a gender bias in healthcare priorities (47:06).

💡 Key Concepts Explained

Perimenopause as a flaming hot fire

Glennon Doyle uses this metaphor, represented by a Venn diagram of menopause, fascism, and herself, to describe the intense and overwhelming experience of her symptoms, feeling like her mind, heart, body, and life are "on fire" (00:00, 02:02).

Shriveled Apple Doll

This is a self-portrait Glennon uses to convey the profound loss of moisture and vitality she feels, both physically and spiritually, during menopause. It represents a shrunken, dried version of her former self, a loss that extends to her soul (11:15).

Menopause as a Culling

Spiritually, Glennon views menopause as a process where the "things that never should have had to tolerate are now officially intolerable." It empowers her to shed situations, people, and cultural engagements that are no longer right for her soul (34:49).

The Do Not Care Club

Founded by the 'Madame President,' this club offers a collective space for women to consciously decide what they will no longer care about. It's presented as a liberating response to the burdens placed on women, allowing them to reject societal expectations like wearing "stilts" or "hard pants" (51:13).

⚡ Actionable Takeaways

→Involve male friends and partners in discussions about menopause to educate them on "what to expect or what might be going on in their households" (01:01).
→Seek out healthcare providers who are credentialed in menopause training by checking resources like The Menopause Society (menopause.org) (49:09).
→Normalize discussions about perimenopause and menopause with friends, family, and mothers to share experiences and find collective solutions, recognizing that "we take care of us" (43:00).
→Question and push back against doctors whose practices feel predatory or dismissive, as Glennon's co-host did by leaving her OBGYN for offering body sculpting postpartum (32:46).
→Consider virtual care options like Midi Health, which offers tailored holistic plans (hormonal, non-hormonal, supplements, lifestyle) and is covered by major insurance (19:28).
→Give yourself grace and recognize that "unreasonable times call for unreasonable measures" during menopause, allowing for increased sensitivities and adjustments in relationships (25:37).
→Join or adopt the philosophy of the "Do Not Care Club" by identifying things you will no longer tolerate or care about, such as "contouring" or "laughing at things that aren't funny" (52:13).

⏱ Timeline Breakdown

00:00Glennon introduces perimenopause as an intense, personal struggle, feeling like her entire being is "on fire."

02:02Glennon shares a self-portrait: a Venn diagram of menopause, fascism, and herself as a "flaming hot fire."

03:07Glennon describes her nights as a "slice of solitary lonesome hell" with her mind feeling like a chaotic "beehive."

04:08Details severe skin itching likened to "fire ants with tiny daggers" and waking up in "pools of sweat."

07:11Discusses developing motion sickness from cars, walking, and even watching TV, alongside physical changes like "wire" hair and rosacea.

11:15Glennon describes her current self-image as a "dried colonial apple doll" due to perceived loss of moisture.

13:20Explains the emotional impact, feeling like a "reverse Grinch" with a shrunk heart and a dominant feeling of "irritation."

17:26Highlights the "structural and cultural crises" of perimenopause and introduces Midi Health as a partner addressing the lack of informed healthcare.

21:32Glennon recounts how her irritation led her to try to "fix the problem" by negotiating her wife Abby's "noises."

28:40Both Glennon and Abby made emergency doctor appointments to get medical intervention to "stop hurting the other person's soul."

30:44Glennon details her experience with a gynecologist's office filled with predatory ads for weight loss and Botox, leading her to seek care elsewhere.

34:49Discusses menopause as a "culling," where formerly tolerated situations become "officially intolerable."

36:51Shares statistics on the global impact of menopause, its pervasive symptoms, and the severe lack of medical training and treatment.

40:57Mentions being prescribed an estrogen patch and progesterone pill by her general practitioner, but expresses nervousness about starting them.

43:00Emphasizes the importance of normalizing conversations about menopause to find collective solutions and reduce suffering.

45:01Argues that cultural disregard for menopausal women is a "moral wound," indicating society's acceptance of women having a poor quality of life for a third of their lives.

47:06Contrasts funding for male erectile dysfunction with the lack of funding for menopause, calling the disparity "deliberate."

49:09Recommends The Menopause Society (menopause.org) as a resource for finding credentialed doctors.

51:13Introduces the "Madame President" of the "Do Not Care Club," who shares items she no longer cares about.

53:13Glennon reads her own list of things she no longer cares about, including wearing "stilts" or "hard pants."

Best of this topic

Best perimenopause episodes →Best menopause episodes →Best women's health episodes →Best healthcare system failures episodes →Best hormone replacement therapy episodes →

💬 Notable Quotes

“"I feel as if my mind and my heart and my body and my life and my relationships and my planet are all on fire. And when I try to express that, someone says, 'Have you tried some hematoglobin?'" (00:00)”

“"I lay my head down and it's like, okay, well, I imagine it, you know, have you ever seen a beehive? ... That is what night started happening in my brain." (03:07)”

“"We have conflated normal with acceptable. We have said that's typical as if that's the end of the story. That's typical should mean what are we going to do about it?" (38:53)”

“"It's like what about we have motherthered you, we have sistered you, we have held up your sky like and now you're just annoyed that we're annoyed. There's just something it's it's a it's a moral wound to me." (45:01)”

Listen to Full Episode

▶ YouTube